Wanted: Holiday Mojo
I’ve lost my holiday mojo. I want to recover it.
I’m sad that, despite making a genuine effort to keep Christmas low stress (I recently shared 10 holiday survival tips over at Boston Mamas and we are in fact doing all of those things), I’m feeling very alone on this Christmas Eve morning.
I actually was doing fine until early this morning. Jon and I haven’t been in the best shape the last month – both battling nagging colds – but I held my own last night, when Jon and Laurel were both edgy, and then as Jon and I later groused over holiday plans and social commitments (he gets squirrelly about too much planning). Then this morning he snapped at me about something minor and muttered, “I just want this holiday over with.” At that moment, I felt my mojo slip away.
It was a minor comment, but it touched a nerve. Historically, Christmas has been challenging for me. My family always longed for holiday normalcy because honestly, we had some really terrifying ones, complete with hurled objects (including a Christmas tree) and my poor mother frantically evacuating us 7 kids in the station wagon, speeding off, and trying to create some sense of festivity while we huddled together trying to keep warm in decidedly non-festive locales. To this day I break into a cold sweat around fake Christmas trees (the one year we didn’t buy a real one was the year my dad threw it across the living room) and whenever a sub shop guy asks if I want hots on my sub (on one Christmas evacuation we picked up subs for dinner; when I complained about the hots, my brother told me to eat it or I’d have to go back and face dad).
I’m grateful that my dad - by virtue of age and cutting off the sauce – eventually mellowed out and became someone I truly loved and enjoyed spending time with. But these memories still live in my cells and, admittedly, make me react strongly to minor instances of discord (such as what transpired this morning with Jon).
I hope that I can shake this off because to me, psychologically negative holiday mojo is as bad as a fake, flying Christmas tree.