Embrace 2020 37/365: at peace with music

Have you ever spent a significant amount of time pursuing a passion and then given it up? I used to identify as a musician: I did the whole competition circuit thing through middle + high school, was a double major in college (music + psychology), practiced 2-4 hours a day, played solo recitals from memory, and was part of a union and was paid to play in a city orchestra when I was in grad school. I spent 20+ years attached to my violin. I was invariably gifted violin-themed gifts through my life.

And then once I finished grad school and left the city orchestra I stopped playing. My postdoc (and then parenting and then jumping careers) consumed me. Also, the few times I tried to pick it up again it was SO depressing (obviously if you go from playing 2-4 hours a day to 0 hours a day your skills atrophy).

This week was notable in that I went to a classical concert for the first time in almost 20 years. As I ascended the stairs at Berklee, WOW, so many familiar feelings came rushing back as I saw students toting instruments and heard scales and arpeggios drift down the halls. And then it was time to immerse in the brilliance of pianist Jung-Ja Kim (who is the mom of a friend).

And it was weird. I was waiting to feel a lot of feelings...longing, regret, embarrassment, etc.., for having dropped music...so many hours and so much money spent! Over the years I have wondered how it was possible that I'm the only one in our house not making music. But I just felt at peace. It's 100% OK to move on from a passion and appreciate it from a distance.