Sports Parents: Calm The Fuck Down

Wow, I posted this in Stories this morning (as I listened to crazy parents screaming on the sideline at the game preceding Violet's soccer game) and the response has been all 💯. And also really sad stories about families leaving sports because the culture is so toxic. And also questions about what is OK to say on the sidelines. I thought this was worth addressing in a feed post:

1️⃣ Your sole purpose as a sideline parent is to show up as a supportive presence if you are able to do so. End of story.

2️⃣ Do not coach from the sidelines. It is confusing for the kids and undermines the coach. If you want to coach -- and actually know the rules of the game...it is baffling to me when parents scream directions and clearly have no idea what they are talking about -- volunteer to coach!

3️⃣ Do not yell at the refs. It's not your job to challenge calls. Also, sometimes the refs are teens. Do you really want to be the asshole yelling at a teen ref at a children's sports event? Again, if you think you can do better, sign up to ref.

4️⃣ Do not delight in player misfortune. I have seen parents mock and high five when a child on the opposing team accidentally scores on their own net. OMG PEOPLE.

5️⃣ If you want to say anything, I recommend general things like, "Great effort" or "Keep it up" or "You've got this" followed by team name or a player if appropriate.

6️⃣ Do not point children out in objectifying ways (race, height, weight, etc). (I heard this happen to my kid today.)

7️⃣ Win, loss, or tie, focus on the effort and the fact that they are playing and socializing and learning. My older daughter plays varsity high school soccer and I wanted to fucking cheer when the coach said at the parent meeting, "This is an *educational* athletic program. Remember, athletic scholarships are hard to come by... comparatively, academic ones are not. Kids need to stay focused on school, sleep, and good nutrition. All of this serves their game."

Bottom line, kid sports are not about you. And they are supposed to be enriching and fun. Be a good human being on the sidelines or stay the fuck home.