Explore 2019: Sibling Emotions

Have I ever talked about infertility here? I can't remember. But the summary is that like many families, when Laurel was about 2.5 years old, we decided we were ready for another kid. I didn't have any trouble getting pregnant with Laurel and my Mom was mega fertile (I have 6 siblings) so I assumed I'd be pregnant immediately.

But that's not what the universe had in store for us. Over the next 3+ years I basically existed in a confused stupor, buying countless ovulation and pregnancy tests and going on the highly emotional roller coaster ride every time I got my period. At some point I learned about the term secondary infertility. I felt so sad and broken. I felt angry when people asked me when I was having more kids.

And then finally, I got to a point where I accepted what was given me: I had my healthy, lovely Laurel. We were a happy family of 3. I made my peace and gave away all of my baby things.

And of course, one month after I emptied my basement, I discovered I was pregnant. It was crazy and I remember that the morning I found out, I was actually on my way to a work event and in a state of shock, I handed the pregnancy test to Jon and said, "We will discuss later. I'm outta here."

I know sibling life is not always easy. Just last night I broke down in tears over one of my siblings (with whom I am estranged) and I am realizing part of that is because I have moved from a place of anger to a place of sadness with him. Sadness is so much harder to deal with! Violet is such a different animal than Laurel and I know that things will not always be easy but with the two of them, there is more joy and silliness than anything else, and I am so grateful that they have one another.