Space

Even though I used to study the brain, the brain never ceases to amaze me. As many of you know, I have been leaning into yoga for my protective and restorative care for the past several months. Right now I'm working on the YWA 30-day practice, and without fail, if I open YouTube and see that the day's practice is ~20 minutes, that seems doable, whereas if it's ~30 minutes, my brain is like, WHOA, not sure I have time for that.

I mentioned this to Jon this week and he gently said something like, it would be great if we could figure out a way to live life where 10 minutes isn't a deal breaker. I was like, yup, mmm hmm, love that idea, carry on.

And then last night, you may have seen my pitch black IG stories -- I had a complete claustrophobic freak out. Since our Jan 1 COVID scare I have buckled down even further (so, not even going to the grocery store anymore) so my world is so fucking small right now. Last night amidst the usual dinnertime chaos (nothing bad, just the usual), I lost it and walked out the door minutes after Jon walked in. I did my first contactless errand in two weeks (library book pickup) then I sat in my car for 30 minutes in complete OMG WTF paralysis. I ended up calling Asha Dornfest and we laughed about a potato cake TikTok video she sent me among other things; thanks for helping me off the ledge, Asha.

This morning when I saw that the day's YWA practice was 36 minutes I had my classic WHOA, not sure I have time for that response. And then I paused and thought, 10 minutes should not be a deal breaker and also, Christine, you spend the majority of your week pouring out energy to/for other people and one animal...GIVE YOURSELF THOSE MINUTES. So I did. And the practice was all about making space. And while I lay there in shivasana listening to the usual sounds of morning chaos (e.g., footsteps up and down the stairs, people talking, random singing outbreaks, the aggressive, relentless squeak of James' turkey toy), I found myself with a smile on my face. Yes, everything is chaos right now, but here's the thing: when you give yourself a little extra space every now and then, the chaos sometimes bothers you less.