Support

I cried during my physical therapy evaluation this morning.

Maybe a tiny bit of this was relief over finally starting the process + the fact that fate landed me with the one woman of color physical therapist (all the other PTs I saw were white men) + the fact that the top half of my PTs face totally reminded me of @ashadornfest.

But the big issue was that through this session, I was reminded that I need support -- generally, yes, but the thing that blew my mind is that I learned that even the way I sit at my desk all day is on high alert and unsupported (OMG I bought an erg chair and haven't even been using it right). And even the way I sleep at night requires more bolstering and support. As she talked and gave me next steps, and didn't say I was broken and beyond repair, or that I needed to stop playing tennis (I was really worried she was going to say that) I could feel the tears in my eyes.

At the end of our direct work, my physical therapist asked if I had time for heat treatment and without looking at the clock I said, "YES." She prepped the table, helped me get into position, and set a timer. And as I lay there on my back, with heat and support under my neck and a giant block under my legs so they could rest at a 90 degree angle, I surrendered and let the tears roll.

It's very hard for someone like me, who has been on my own financially since age 18 and is aggressively tuned to holding shit together for myself and people around me to be supported. But it's time. I am ready. ❤